The first time my husband and I went on a trip without our baby, he was just three months old. It was only a weekend, and he stayed with his grandparents. Then, a few months later, we planned a slightly longer getaway—four days. But what I had really been thinking about was a solo trip for myself, a two-week break to recharge. Our child would be with his dad.
If you’re a mom, you probably know the kinds of comments that start pouring in the moment you mention traveling without your child. Some of the milder ones come to your face, the harsher ones are reserved for when you’re not around. Almost as if by reflex, people ask: “Wait, you’re leaving your baby?”

Would my husband get asked this same question if he were the one going on a solo trip? We all know the answer.
And it’s not just trips. Mothers hear similar things when they go back to work and enroll their child in daycare:
“Daycare? But they’re so little! Someone else will be raising your child!”
“You’re really going back to work already? What about your baby? Who’s going to take care of them?”
“You’re leaving your child to do something for yourself? That must be nice…”
“So who’s raising your child then? The nanny or the daycare?”
“Your child needs their mom around, not strangers.”
“Motherhood is about sacrifice. Every good mother can set her own needs aside.”
“I thought once you had a child, you’d stop going on these trips.”
“I could never leave my little [Johnny]. What kind of mother would do that?”
The worst part? These comments often come from other women. Instead of offering support, we’re too often each other’s harshest critics. Why?
Yes, times are changing, and fewer people think like this, but there’s still a deeply ingrained expectation that a mom should always be “on duty.”
Before my solo trip, I felt a strange guilt I couldn’t shake. I knew I needed this time for myself. I knew it was important. But somehow, my own needs felt like they should take a back seat. Maybe I was even sabotaging my trip because everything that could go wrong did. Of course, it also reaffirmed my skills as a travel planner since I adjusted to every unexpected turn, adapting my plans on the fly. But that’s a story for another day. Did my husband have these same thoughts when he took a trip just a few months earlier? I doubt it.
Statistics show that many women stop prioritizing themselves in the years after having a child.
Research supports this: many mothers struggle to find themselves after their children are born, often feeling as though they’ve lost their sense of identity. Studies estimate that up to 10–20% of mothers experience postpartum depression, which affects not only their well-being but also family dynamics. More than half of mothers admit that motherhood has overtaken their previous lives, with “the old me” fading into the background. This often means putting aside the passions, dreams, and activities that once defined them.
Additionally, around 40% of mothers report feeling more stressed and tense than before having children, especially if they don’t have consistent support from family or a partner. For mothers, daily life can be overwhelming and filled with constant tension.
Do you see how many of us lose our hobbies, passions, and a sense of our own identity? Now think of how many women find themselves battling anxiety, depression, or other mental health challenges because of it. See the connection?
At the same time, research from Canada shows that happy, fulfilled mothers build stronger bonds with their children and create a more stable home environment. This effect is particularly noticeable in women who regularly find time for self-care, personal growth, and fulfilling their passions. It’s a reminder that a mother’s happiness directly influences family harmony, and investing in herself—even if that means taking short trips or moments to recharge—is not selfish but essential for the mental health and well-being of the entire family.

A happy home comes from a happy family. When one parent feels depleted and neglected, it eventually impacts everyone else. A happy mom means happy kids. You can’t bring warmth and love into a home if you’re always stressed out and running on fumes.
Parenthood is meant to be a partnership. Of course, I understand that sometimes it’s not possible. Life can get difficult, some mothers are doing it all on their own, and there may be no one else around to help. But even then, finding moments to focus on yourself is important. Instead of scrolling through your phone, try taking a few deep breaths. Instead of watching TV, do something for yourself: a relaxing bath, yoga, a massage, or a workout. Each of us has something that brings joy. And if you’ve forgotten what that is, give yourself permission to explore and try new things.
For those with a support system, options are plentiful—daycares, preschools, grandparents, family friends. Playrooms. And, of course, the other parent.

My first solo trip came when my child was 12 months old. I was gone for two weeks. My plan was to fully disconnect, using the time to truly reset after pregnancy and the first year of motherhood. I promised myself this trip while I was still pregnant. I knew I’d need it, and I knew it would be incredibly hard to follow through. My partner’s support was invaluable—he kept encouraging me to stick to my plan despite my hesitations. As I left, tears filled my eyes, and I cried the entire way to the airport. But then, a shift happened—I knew I had to embrace the adventure. And I did, feeling the wind in my hair, literally and figuratively.
Don’t get me wrong—I love being a mom. This year has been the best of my life, and I love my child with every part of me. But travel means something different to me, something that doesn’t take away from my love for my child but rather adds to it.
Being a good mom and following your own dreams aren’t mutually exclusive. In fact, they can complement each other beautifully.
The real issue is that we shouldn’t have to summon “courage” to do this. It should be natural. But it isn’t, at least not yet. Maybe it’s our culture, maybe it’s centuries of societal expectations. I don’t know. But sometimes, we need to challenge ourselves to go against the grain, even if it means facing our fears.
Remember, each of us is unique, and there’s no one “right” way. For one mom, fulfillment might mean being present every day, while for another, it might mean a few days away to reset. What matters is the understanding that a mom’s choices don’t make her a better or worse parent—they make her an authentic version of herself. And that authenticity is what our children need most. They need a mom who’s happy, alive, and full of purpose—not a burnt-out, empty version of herself.
Don’t wait for permission to recharge—do it for yourself, your kids, and your whole family. Every moment you take for yourself positively impacts your relationships and strengthens your family bonds. A happy mom makes a happy home, and sometimes, a little distance is just what you need to bring everyone closer.
Take care of yourselves.
Want to read more? Below are the sources for the statistics used in this article, along with suggestions for where to find additional information:
Postpartum Depression: General statistics on postpartum depression are available in reports from the World Health Organization (WHO) and the American Psychological Association (APA), both of which frequently analyze research findings on maternal mental health across different countries.
Source: World Health Organization. (2020). Maternal mental health. Retrieved from WHO.
Loss of Maternal Identity: Research in identity psychology and academic publications on maternal mental health, such as those in the Journal of Marriage and Family, often discuss this phenomenon in the context of changes in women’s life roles after childbirth.
Source: Sutherland, J.-A. (2010). Mothering, Guilt, and Shame. Journal of Marriage and Family.
"Mothers in Poland: A Study on Psychological Burden and Well-Being" – Fundacja Dajemy Dzieciom Siłę, 2021.
Stress and Tension Among Mothers: Valuable information on the impact of motherhood on stress and emotional burnout in mothers can be found in publications such as the Journal of Affective Disorders and reports from mental health organizations like the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).
Source: National Institute of Mental Health. (2022). Mental Health and Parenting. Retrieved from NIMH.
"Managing Stress in Motherhood" – Mental Health Center, report, 2022.
Impact of Maternal Well-Being on Family: Research from Canada on the effect of mothers’ well-being on family life can be found in reports from the Canadian Journal of Behavioral Science and other psychological journals.
Source: Nelson, S. K., Kushlev, K., & Lyubomirsky, S. (2014). The Benefits of Happiness for Parents and Families. Canadian Journal of Behavioral Science.
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